I am insanely happy with my life choices right now!  I am over halfway through my first REAL semester of college and am maintaining an A average in my classes.  I signed up for summer term and I have my first spring break coming up in 14 years.  I think that I am actually doing spring break stuff THIS weekend thanks to a very close man friend taking me to Panama City Beach for a long weekend. 

My friends are wonderful, supportive and I adore them all!  They have rallied around me in my time of divorce and I only hope they feel the love back from me.  Especially that wonderful man friend that has maintained a great relationship with me long distance.  Tallahassee is a 2.5 hour drive and well worth it when you get spoiled like I have been.  I get princess treatment and it is refreshing to get away from the hustle, gossip and drama here in Jacksonville.  Fancy hotels, nice restaurants and all the attention I can handle and I grin from ear to ear like a school girl.  Seriously, cannot wipe the grin off my face.

Perma-grin on my thinner face!

I am still dropping weight like crazy and did a comparison from last year to this year on my Facebook page and you can see how my face has changed shaped.  Fifty two pounds and counting!  I walk and walk and then push and walk some more.  The fancy restaurants are not helping this though!  But every few weekends an indulgent few days are fine.

No, I haven’t abandoned my blog.  I will return to it on a regular basis soon, but I needed to distance myself from some aspects of the internet overshare that I was doing.

Hopefully I can post the next week with some great beach pictures.  I am praying for some sunshine and warm weather for our weekend away.  So far the weather channel is telling me it will be nice!

Things that have been making me smile lately:

*Champagne brunch *bright new purses made of recycled materials *herbs and flowers making the backyard cheery *”Change sides it’s halftime” *Music of any kind.  I dance and sing to everything I hear lately! *My new Seminole t-shirt *Buying clothes in smaller sizes!

I’ve been adding to the list the past couple of days.  It could keep growing and changing but I wanted to share at the point it is now since I reached 21 items on my list.

photo via Julián Rovagnati / Featurepics

Twenty eleven you will be Heaven!

This is not to say it’s going to be EASY, it’s going to take work to reach my goals, that’s not to say it will be rainbows and moon beams and smiles.  I know it’s going to be a hard year for me, a divorce looms in my near future and that can never be easy.  The separation has taken from me even though it has also given.  I look forward to taking back my last name.  Letting go and praying that I find myself, that I find my strength, that I find my happiness again.  As I take steps forward I feel wonderful moments of elation, I feel moments of great happiness when I meet a personal goal that I have set for myself.

1. Go back to school (this goal has already been set in motion – I start Jan 11th!)

2. Get my passport

3. Travel (I have plans for NY, Miami, Jekyll Island(not far I know, but a family wedding), and possibly….Japan!)

4. See one of my favorite bands

5. See a brand new band (I love music!)

6. Continue weight loss & exercise (already started but I also joined Weight Watchers & have exercise goals planned)

7. Start training to be able to do a small marathon (I have plans in March to walk a small marathon with my Aunt & cousins!)

8. Ride a motorcycle

9. Ride a horse

10. See snow (still haven’t seen the kind of snow that you can build a snowman in.  Just melty icey stuff here in FL)

11. Continue fixing my credit and putting money away (already started, but needs to continue!)

12. Get acupuncture for always stressed out back (I’m a worrier, I hold my stress in my back)

13. Give some free time to a good cause (already in planning, more on this later)

14. Participate in a flash mob (these look like SO much fun)

15. Go on a cruise

16. Visit Hostel in the Forest

17. Take belly dancing classes (signing up this week for a 6 week course)

18. Finish learning how to knit so you can follow a pattern – make fingerless gloves (found a place to take classes!)

19. Fix my tattoo on my back as it’s flash art and I want it to be pretty & unique

20. Start learning a language

21. Learn to love yourself more, fear less, stress less and you can be loved more freely

Do you have goals set, or resolutions?  Do you share any of mine and want to join me?  There are some special people in my life that I plan on sharing some of these goals with.  I am so very thankful for the friends in my life that are supporting my goals and lending encouragement – you are awesome and I love you gals & guys!

* I feel like my life is becoming me listing out my “firsts”.  My first ever road trip alone.  It was a quick decision and with a few phone calls I was a few hours away from a quick trip.  Cranked the music and I sang out loud both to and from.  It was so much fun.  To the friends that let me stay: Thank you for my weekend of ME.  It was an entire weekend of firsts for me!  It gave me the confidence to keep moving ahead on my own.

* My support group of friends and family.  My life is full of amazing, beautiful, strong women that have moved forward in my life to make sure I know that I have their friendship and love in my hard times.  It has brought me to my knees in thanks for such special people in my life right now.

* Exercise.  It has given me the strength to move forward.  To release any emotion I have that I need to push to the surface.  Walking my butt off and loving it.

*Music.  It is pushing me in my life, in my exercise and letting me be OK with my emotions.  House music is really pivotal right now too, it’s upbeat and energetic. These 2 songs are really helpful right now:

Quick Mentions:

* Going out dancing!  * The sweet supportive words I keep getting from friends. * Jack & Coke with my Brother. * Having cute boys tell me “You Killed it!” as I leave the dance floor. * Slumber party with my girlfriend (really just staying at her place, but hey….it’s a slumber party to me!) * Life handing you such strange signs that CANNOT be ignored. * Unemployment kicking back in. * Pink Sheets, frou frou spray and lots of pillows. * The middle of the bed. * Plans for my life * Phone calls that keep coming * “melt”

So here is the truth:

Life is turned upside down.  It’s my own doing…..and his.  10 years of marriage and we have nothing to show for it.  In fact I had to borrow money from my mother to have money to get around on this week.  I have no job, but I have a roof over my head and a family that supports my decision.  I left Him.  I feel nothing like the person he met 14 years ago.  I was 98 pounds of bubbly happy positive energy.  I had a great outlook on life.  I don’t see her anymore.  I have thought long and hard about what I was going to do.  In the end I was going to  ask for a  trial separation period in 2011.  Wait it through the holidays.  But Thanksgiving he made my decision for me.  No need to say what went down, just that it shouldn’t have happened and that it isn’t that bad, but it was the final straw, no trial separation, just done.  I packed my bag and left, we were staying at his Dad’s house over the holiday house sitting and so I packed and left.  Then spent the whole weekend in another town.  Stayed with friends.  It was good for me.  I felt the lightest I have felt in years.  The knot in my stomach went away and things kept happening that felt like fate.  A song, a phone call, the use of a phrase my Grandmother would say to me.  They all felt pivotal.  I am breaking his heart (and my own) and I feel like the biggest bitch in the world for it.  But I feel like he stole a little of my soul.  I am claiming it back.  Looking to the future.  Putting myself into school.  Making my own future.  Living my life the way I feel it should go.  Selfishly.  For Me.

No regrets.  I hurt but it’s a good hurt.  I cry but they are tears for what we had, not where we are now.

*I found this video via Coilhouse and it makes me ridiculously happy!  I love the Numa Numa song in all it’s weird strange European Boy Band Glory and it makes me giggly.  To see this ballerina get all goofy and still have the ballerina moves, well it’s just awesome-sauce!

*We are house sitting for my Father-In-Law and it’s fun to find my husband’s old family photos (pictures OF pictures…sorry for the quality, will have to scan sometime for him!).

My handsome husband - 1992

Dad's chopped bike. He was too cool!

T's Grandparents used to go clogging. Aren't they adorable! He can't talk about them without smiling, he misses them both so much.

A house where pieces of furniture or pictures have meaning.  It’s fun.  It’s also nice to be on our own for a bit.  We are enjoying just being a couple.  Quiet time, just each other to talk to, dinner together.  It’s been missed living with my parents and yet, with another job set back it will still continue until we can get back on our feet.  It is what it is and we will embrace the alone time for now!

* Staying my Father-In-Law’s means I am close to downtown, so I look forward to a trip to the library.  The big one, my favorite one, the one with the upstairs garden!  I will take pictures amongst the stacks to share.  It’s such a beautiful library and is so very big.

Quick Mentions:

*Teaching myself to purl.  So proud.  yep. *Witch House – specifically oOoOO and White Ring *A candle called Fireside….it smells JUST like sitting fireside….I can’t get enough of it. *My puppy’s new emo sweater (pictures to come…) *Drinking in the swamp *Friends that have a beer ready after a bad day. *T being so supportive and understanding during hard times, he IS my rock!

As a kid, Mom always made our costumes or it was something that took very few dollars to put together.  My Brother and I never felt shorted and our costumes were always fun.  I was a witch, a gypsy, Cyndi Lauper, a vampire and other easily pieced together outfits.  It brought our creativity to the table.  I think my husband was a little impressed with my wolf face painting skills.  No need to use the oil paint that would itch and be on everything, I pulled out brown and black eye shadows and bronzer for base, along with eyeliners.  He was complemented on his face all night long.  A little fur on his hands and some old pointy ears I had from an outfit 4 years ago and he was set.  I’ll post a better picture later this week but for now….iphone quick capture!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

I can’t believe October is almost over.  Time flies when you are learning new things!

My Handsome Man and I

This month I am especially thankful for Terrell.  My husband makes me hella happy.  He has the right encouraging words when I feel like I’m not getting something, he knows what to say to make me chill out and he offers the best advice on how to fix a situation.  He is my rock, my best friend and my biggest cheerleader and without that this year I don’t know if I would still have my sanity.  Friday is our 10 year wedding anniversary.  Happy Anniversary Sweetness!  I love you more than I sometimes can even express.  Joining hands with you and promising to be your wife is the best thing I have ever done.

Me at work (showing off new shorter haircut)

My job makes me happy.  While I have had a day or two where training made me question my ability to do this job…with the proper training I feel that I am getting a good grasp of my job duties and am getting the hang of what I should be accomplishing every day.  It’s rewarding to have a job that makes me use my brain a little.  It had been a long time since I had a job that makes me use my noggin.  I go home tired, I want to tune out and veg out.  I know this is a habit I need to break, and I am slowly fixing it.  Coming home and getting a few things done, taking a look at my checklist and THEN tuning out.

Blue Betty (rama lama oh oh BLUE Betty, rama lama!) hehe

My car is making me all sorts of happy.  My car is officially PAID OFF!  WooHoo!  I need to celebrate the occasion correctly though.  My car to be washed and shined and made to look pretty.  She had some problems last month and it turns out she needed a tune up at 70,000 instead of the recommended 80,000 so with that my little blue Betty (A blue Ford Focus 2 door with hatchback) is running like she’s young again.  So we are down to having just one car payment and it’s a great thing.  I plan on using the money to go to our house fund.  Put away some of the money that would have gone to the payment and pay off bills with a little of it as well.  Ahhh!

Quick Mentions:

* The new Interpol album is dreamy * I love Halloween! Dressing as the gypsy from the movie The Wolfman (1941) and husband is going as The Wolfman (Lon Channey Jr.) * Plans to get away this next weekend have me excited!  Getting a room on the water somewhere! *This replica of an old aluminum ad, perfect for me (and matches the gross wall paper oddly enough!) and was a cheap find! * These cat eye glasses that I paid $8 for will be my new glasses soon (so I’ll have 2 pair nice normal, and sassy fun cat eye!) * We went to Rocky Horror Picture Show last weekend (I won us tickets on Twitter) it was a lot of fun! The cast was great! * Playing with Honey in the backyard, her bunny hops make me laugh. * Kind of obsessed with new genre Witch House, its strange and fun!